A band of warriors rides up to the high ridge, the sun at their backs. Their bows and lances are ready as they prepare to attack the foe. These are brave men, owners of many coups and scalps, the ones who are feasted by the village while they boast and proudly sing their brave-heart songs.

One warrior sits to the rear of the column. He is pale and thin but a nice boy nonetheless. He wears horn-rimmed glasses and a sweater so he won’t catch cold. Once, he was sent east to learn the ways of the White Man. Unfortunately he got on the wrong train and arrived not at Dartmouth, but Yeshiva. He now returns to help The People. His name….”Stands with a Knish”.

Their leader, the revered warrior, Crazy Horse, turns and commands with a thunderous voice using words to set the weakest heart ablaze, “Cowards to the rear, brave hearts follow me…this is a GOOD DAY TO DIE!”

Stands with a Knish turns to the man next to him and says, “What is he talking about, ‘this is a good to day to die’? This is a TERRIBLE day to die! It’s hot, it’s dusty, the sun’s too bright and my allergies are acting up. I think yesterday was a much better day to die, don’t you think. Or how about tomorrow? Yeah, I think tomorrow will be a good day to die, too. C’mon, let’s go back to the tipi and eat.”

His comrade looks at Stands and glares reproachfully. “Don’t you know that a true warrior is never afraid of death? After all, only Earth and Sky last forever.”

Stands with a Knish is taken aback. “Oh yeah? Let me tell you about my Aunt Mimi (May she rest). She made latkes that, believe you me, ‘lasted forever’ too. My sister, Doris, and I would swear that she would trot the same ones out every Chanukah for how many years, I can’t remember. My parents would PLOTZ just looking at them! And you know what?….”

By now, Stands is alone on the hill talking to himself while the battle rages in the valley below. As he stops to clean his glasses, the warriors gallop back in triumph. Stands notices something hairy and glistening hanging from the tip of their lances.

“What are those things anyway? They’re what?…. Bist meshugeh! Are you crazy! You can’t walk around with those things! They’re going to attract bugs, mice, germs and the next thing you know, we’ll all get sick! Couldn’t you take something cleaner, like maybe their business cards?”

The warriors roll their eyes at each other and ride off ahead, muttering to themselves. “So much for the White Man’s education,”. It has most certainly ruined their brother, Stands with a Knish.

Needless to say, Stands with a Knish never made it as a warrior. Instead, he went back East, became a respected schochet and married a nice girl from a good Northern Cheyenne and Ashkenazi family.

And Aunt Mimi’s latkes? Well, in truth, they can be found today in the Smithsonian Institute, erroneously exhibited as a genuine Native American artifact.

Thank you, Daniel A. Brown, for submitting this joke.