Gentile Jokes

A 22 year-old Gentile tells his mother he’s fallen deeply in love.

“How wonderful,” she says. “I can’t wait to meet her. I just know I’ll love her, too.”

So, a Jewish boy is about to go off to college to study accounting in order to manage the books for his father’s business. Before he goes, his father tells him, “Listen. I know that we aren’t very religious, but promise me one thing. Promise me that you won’t marry a shiksa.” The son is taken aback but sees that his father is serious and so he gives him his word that he won’t.

A few years into college, he meets a very nice non-Jewish girl and they fall in love. He tells her that he can’t marry her because he promised his dad he wouldn’t marry a non-Jewish girl.

She thinks about this, and decides she loves the son so much that she’ll convert for him. She studies Judaism for a year and converts. They get married and move back near his father house.

A few months after they move back, the father comes to the son and tells him that he wants to get together that Saturday Morning in order to balance the books. Saturday Morning comes, and the son doesn’t show up. He calls the son and gets no answer. Finally, worried about his son, he drives over to his sons house and frantically knocks on the door.

The son calmly answers the door and the father is furious! He starts yelling, “Where were you?!? I’ve been worried half to death!”

The son says, “Listen, I’m sorry, but my wife told me that I’m not allowed to use the phone or balance the books on Saturday. She wouldn’t let me come over.”

At this, the father finally snaps, “I TOLD YOU NOT TO MARRY A SHIKSA!!!!”

A Jewish couple invites their Gentile neighbors over for dinner.

The Jewish woman serves the first course and says, “This is matzo ball soup.” The Gentile man appears a bit squeamish and is hesitant to taste his soup. “Just have a taste,” urges the Jewish woman. “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to finish it.”

Not wanting to insult the hostess, the Gentile man gingerly presses his spoon into a matzo ball and takes a bite. “MMMMMM, it’s so good,” he says and quickly finishes the soup. “This is delicious,” the man says. “Can you eat any other parts of the matzo?”

Moshe calls his mother and asks, “How are you?”
“Not too good,” she says. “I’m feeling very weak.”
“Why, mother? ”
“Because I haven’t eaten in 23 days,” she says.
Moshe replies, “That’s terrible, mother. Why haven’t you eaten in 23 days?”
She answers, “because I didn’t want my mouth should be filled with food if you should call!”

You might be a Gentile if you think shiksa is an electric razor.

A Gentile doctor says to the Gentile parents of a newborn boy, “I am the doctor who will be circumcising your son.”

In unison the Gentile parents respond, “Okay.”

A Gentile man calls his elderly mother.

He asks, “Mom, I haven’t talked with you in a few weeks.  How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

The elderly Gentile mother responds, “I feel fine. I don’t  need anything. Don;t worry abut me.  Thanks for calling.”

Two Gentile mothers meet on the street and start talking about children.

The first Gentile mother says to the other, “My son is a construction worker!”

The other Gentile mother responds, “My son is a truck driver!”

Then, at the same time, they both say, “You must be so proud!”

A Gentile comes home for Christmas and announces to his parents that he is taking a year off medical school to join the Peace Corps, to go to Calcutta to help the poorest of the poor.

His father says, “That‘s admirable, son.”

His mother says, “We are so proud of you.”

A Gentile man calls his mother and says, “Mother, I know you’re expecting me for dinner this evening, but something important has come up and I can’t make it.” His mother says, “OK.”